South Park Offends Catholics... Who Knew?
According to
E Online, Catholics have been successful in preventing Comedy Central From rebroadcasting the Dec. 7 season finale of
South Park, titled "Bloody Mary,".
"In the episode, a statue of the Virgin Mary is believed to be bleeding from its rear end, inspiring faithful parishioners to flock from miles around to be healed by the miraculous blood.
Eventually, Pope Benedict XVI is called in to investigate, whereupon he determines that the statue is actually menstruating and thus is nothing special.
"A chick bleeding out her vagina is no miracle," the pope declares in the episode. "Chicks bleed out their vaginas all the time."
George Bush ... Hermann Goering
Somebody has been studying his history.
"Of course the people don't want war. But after all, it's the leaders of the country who determine the policy, and it's always a simple matter to drag the people along whether it's a democracy, a fascist dictatorship, or a parliament, or a communist dictatorship. Voice or no voice, the people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is tell them they are being attacked, and denounce the pacifists for lack of patriotism, and exposing the country to greater danger." -- Hermann Goering at the Nuremberg trials
An intelligently designed decision
So I'm checking the news on the totally correct court decision which shut down the teaching of creationism, oh excuse me, inteligent design, in Dover, PA, and I come across this headline:
"Court Issues Troubling Decision in Dover Intelligent Design Case" . I guess if you're the Christian Communication Network, you're gonna spin it your way.
"Democracies don't war"...
Anybody catch
George Bush's news conference today? In his rambling justification for the war, he threw out this line:
"...in Iraq, as a part of a broader strategy, to help what I call "lay the foundation of peace,"
democracies don't war; democracies are peaceful countries".
Hello???? Look in a mirror. What the hell did you just do to Iraq? Yeah, we're a peaceful, non-warring country...
Top Ten Lists
Last week's Top Ten List contest category was
"Top Ten King Kong Pet Peeves," and none of my entries made the list. I'm fine; I'm used to rejection. But since I thought some of them were pretty good, I'll share them with you here, even though they're technically the property of CBS and World Wide Pants Incorporated.
Contrary to the popular saying, he actually can’t sit anywhere he wants to.
The unfair use of "stealth" fighter jets while he’s on top of the Empire State Building
Trump wants to build a casino on Skull Island
Every time he walks by a tall building, some moron asks if he wants to climb it.
Gamers who call him “Donkey Kong”
When Tarzan pounds his chest, it's sexy. When he does it, the neighbors call the cops.
The way the tabloids are linking him and Godzilla romantically, when really they're just good friends.
Surely this will get him impeached
Bush spying claim causes US storm
Star Trek Convention
From the same show as the skit below (Thanks John!), the "Get a Life" skit:
Ears.....Jon Lovitz
Charlie.....Dana Carvey
Artie.....Kevin Nealon
Emcee.....Phil Hartman
.....William Shatner
Second Emcee.....A. Whitney Brown
[ open on an exterior shot of the "Holiday Inn" with a sign reading "Welcome Trekkers." ]
[ dissolve inside ]
[ A sign on the wall reads "16th Annual Star Trek Convention -- 1986" ]
Ears: Charlie! Check this out!
Charlie: [ wearing "I Grok Spock" t-shirt ] Oh, outstanding, man!
Ears: Original cast photo, right before they added Chekhov!
Charlie: Oh, how much was it?
Ears: Sixty dollars!
Charlie: Ohhh.... They got any left?
Loudspeaker: Attention Trekkers, now available in the Hamilton Room... copies of DeForest Kelley's single record, "He's Dead, Jim." Right now, in the Hamilton Room.
Artie: [ making the Vulcan "peace sign" ] Hey guys!
Charlie & Ears: Hey Artie!
Artie: How you guys doing on the trivia quiz?
Charlie: Aw, since you... hey, you got Khan's middle name?
Artie: [ smugly ] Noonian!
Charlie: Yeoman Rand's cabin number?
Artie: Y3-90!
[ Charlie and Ears snicker knowingly to each other. ]
Artie: What? Am I wrong? Am I wrong?
[ more snickers ]
Emcee: Attention! Attention! Hello everybody! Welcome to Day 4 of the 16th Annual Star Trek Convention... Well! ...here in Rye, New York. A few announcements.... Ah... first... ah... a wonderful new... ah... item has just been added to the convention. It's a program from the 1975 convention!
Trekkies: Oooo! Ahhh!
Emcee: Yeah! It's a very special item, I'm sure you'll enjoy it, and it's ONLY... thirty dollars.
Secondly, we have some exciting guests at the convention today, so let me introduce them to you right now. First, we have the lovely actress Julie Cobb. Now you all remember her as Yeoman Leslie Thompson from the first ten minutes of Episode 51, "Errand of Mercy"... in which she was transformed into a cube... and crushed!
And next up is Pamela Denberg Doohan, the ex-wife of course of James "Scotty" Doohan, and ah... I understand life with the Enterprise's Chief Mechanical Officer *was* somewhat turbulent... kinda like living with a MUGATU!
Trekkies: [ geekie laughter ]
Emcee: Yeah! Well you'll all be able to meet Pamela in the Briar Wing where she'll be signing copies of her new book, "Beam Me Out Of Here"!
And finally, the man you've all been waiting for, this is his first Star Trek convention in quite a long time, I know he's thrilled to be here, Captain James Tiberius Kirk himself, WILLIAM SHATNER! [ Shatner walks to the podium. ] Now Bill's here to field a few questions so just fire away!
Trekkies: Mr. Shatner! Mr. Shatner!
William Shatner: Alright, the first question, uh, go ahead!
Charlie: Yeah! Okay, um, when you were gonna beam down to the planet, okay, for the last time in Episode 25? I was wondering, like um, w-w-what was going on with the crew in that particular....
William Shatner: Uh... Episode 25?
Charlie: Yeah!
William Shatner: Um... you gotta give me a PLOT, see, cause it's 20 years and it's a long time... a PLOT... uh....
Charlie: Yeah, Episode 25, that's where you and the crew of the Enterprise get attacked by these spores? And started acting real weird, like hippies and stuff?
William Shatner: [ smiling ] Oh oh, yeah right, I remember, okay uh... what's the question?
Charlie: Well um, I was wondering if you could settle a bet for me and my friends, okay? Um, like, when you... um, left your quarters for the last time? And you opened up your safe? Um... what was the combination?
William Shatner: [ lengthy pause, incredulous expression ] I-I-I don't know! I mean, it's been a long time! I, uh... I don't know that! Uh, okay?
Charlie: [ disappointed ] Okay! Okay!
William Shatner: Anybody? Oh, all right, go ahead! You? Go ahead! You in the funny shirt!
Artie: [ wearing Kirk uniform ] Okay! Another bet... okay... on your horse farm... alright? How many saddle-bred horses do you have?
William Shatner: Uh... 34.
Artie: Wait, wait... is that including the colt that was born earlier this week?
William Shatner: [ stunned pause ] That mare had a foal?
Artie: Tuesday!
William Shatner: Well I... guess it's 35 then!
Artie: ALL RIGHT! ALL RIGHT! [ congratulated by his friends ]
William Shatner: You know, before I answer any more questions there's something I wanted to say. Having received all your letters over the years, and I've spoken to many of you, and some of you have traveled... y'know... hundreds of miles to be here, I'd just like to say... GET A LIFE, will you people? I mean, for crying out loud, it's just a TV show! I mean, look at you, look at the way you're dressed! You've turned an enjoyable little job, that I did as a lark for a few years, into a COLOSSAL WASTE OF TIME!
[ a crowd of shocked and dismayed Trekkies.... ]
I mean, how old are you people? What have you done with yourselves?
[ to "Ears" ] You, you must be almost 30... have you ever kissed a girl?
[ "Ears" hangs his head ]
I didn't think so! There's a whole world out there! When I was your age, I didn't watch television! I LIVED! So... move out of your parent's basements! And get your own apartments and GROW THE HELL UP! I mean, it's just a TV show dammit, IT'S JUST A TV SHOW!
Charlie: Are- are you saying then that we should pay more attention to the movies?
William Shatner: NO!!! THAT'S NOT WHAT I'M SAYING AT ALL!!! HEY, YOU GUYS ARE... THE LAMEST BUNCH... I'VE NEVER SEEN... [ walks away from podium ] I can't believe these people... I mean, I really can't understand what's....
[ Emcee argues with Shatner off-mike, shoves him, Shatner shoves back harder.... ]
Second Emcee: Uh... that was William Shatner, ladies and gentlemen. Uh, I'd like to remind you Trekkers that we have some fine refreshments from all over the galaxy... Coke, Diet Coke, Bubble Up, Orange, I believe. We....
[ Meanwhile, Emcee waves the contract in front of Shatner, who then reluctantly returns to the podium.... ]
William Shatner: Of course, that speech was a "re-creation" of the "Evil Captain Kirk" from um... Episode, um... [ Emcee whispers ] THIRTY-SEVEN... uhh... called... [ another whisper ] "The Enemy Within."
[ Trekkies get happy, applaud ]
William Shatner: Yuh, Yuh, so thank you... and, and... Live Long and Prosper...
[ Trekkies make Vulcan "peace sign".... ]
William Shatner: So everybody... set your phasers on stun, cause... THIS CONVENTION'S AHEAD WARP FACTOR NINE, Y'KNOW? RIGHT! ALL RIGHT! WARP FACTOR NINE!
[ fade out ]
Lost Ending to "It's a Wonderful Life"
John commented in the previous post, " "You made one mistake, Potter - you double-crossed me and you left me alive!", which is from the SNL Skit titled: "Lost Ending To "It's A Wonderful Life", which cracks me up every time I see it. So for your reading enjoyment, I give you the transcript of "Lost Ending To "It's A Wonderful Life".
.....William Shatner
Mary Bailey.....Jan Hooks
George Bailey.....Dana Carvey
Dave.....Kevin Meaney
Harry Bailey.....Dennis Miller
Mr. Potter.....Jon Lovitz
Uncle Billy.....Phil Hartman
Ernie.....A. Whitney Brown
(Fade-in to William Shatner, sitting on a stool on stage and speaking directly to the camera).
William Shatner: Ladies and Gentlemen: You are about to witness an important moment in the history of both television and cinema. After a search of nearly 40 years, the fabled "lost ending" to Frank Capra's 1947 film, "It's a Wonderful Life" has been found! Tonight, for the first time anywhere, "Saturday Night Live" is proud to present this priceless footage - the fully realized vision of an authentic American genius. So, without further ado, here is the "lost ending" to "It's a Wonderful Life".
(fade in to clips from the film of the famous "You are now entering Bedford Falls" sign, as well as the equally famous shots of the Christmas-lit streets of Bedford Falls. Cut to the Bailey home, where the good citizens have convened to rally behind their neighbor George Bailey in his time of need. As we fade in, we see Ernie emptying a basket full of cash onto the table as George and his family look on in awe.)
Mary Bailey: They've been coming all evening. They didn't ask any questions - all they said was, "if George Bailey needs help, we're here to help him!"
George Bailey: (holding Zsu-Zsu in his arms) Wh-wh-why Mary--I never realized I had so many friends! A-a man wh-who has a friend is a rich man, that's what Clarence said, and by golly he was right!
Dave: I wouldn't have a roof over my head if it wasn't for you, George!
George Bailey: Thanks, Dave! Thank you!
(George's brother Harry Bailey, dressed in his airline pilot's uniform, makes his way through the crowd)
Harry Bailey: 'Scuze me! Pardon me--Hello George, how are you?
George Bailey: Harry! Welcome home, Harry!
Harry Bailey: Thanks, Merry Christmas, George! (to the crowd) Now wait a minute, everybody! I got a telegram here I wanna read--from London! (reads) "Dear George. Stop. Mr Gower cables you need cash. Stop. My office instructed to advance you up to $8000. Stop. (crowd reacts) Hee-haw and Merry Christmas! Sam Wainwright"!!!
(crowd cheers and everyone breaks into a joyous rendition of "Hark the Herald Angels Sing".)
Crowd: (singing)
"Hark! the herald angels sing
Glory to the new-born King
Peace on earth and mercy...."
(Uncle Billy is heard offstage, screaming--"George! George!", before finally bursting into the room. He has a string tied around his finger)
Uncle Billy: Quiet everyone! I remembered! I remembered what I did with the money--the $8000!
George Bailey: Why that's great, Uncle Billy! What did you do with it?
Uncle Billy: (frantic) I was in the bank--I had it in a newspaper--I remember giving it to someone!
George Bailey: Well, who? Who'd you give it to?
Uncle Billy: No, wait! I just called Clarence at the bank. He told me that Old man Potter deposited $8000 right after I left! IT WAS HIM!!!
(crowd is outraged)
George Bailey: Well--what're we waitin' for? Let's go get him!
Crowd: Yeah!!!
(background music changes from bright and Christmas-y to dark and ominous, as the bloodthirsty citizens of Bedford Falls make thier way to Potter's office.)
(cut to Potter's office. Potter looks out his window to see the baseball bat and crowbar-wielding mob arriving at his door--which they proceed to batter to pieces with thier weapons. An angry George appears in the doorway)
Mr. Potter: Stay where you are, George Bailey, you're in enough trouble already...
George Bailey: You made one mistake, Mr. Potter: you double-crossed me and you left me alive!
Mr. Potter: Now, wait just a second--I'll give you the money back!
George Bailey: I don't want the money--I want a piece of you, Potter! (tips Potter's wheelchair over, spilling him onto the floor. George then begins kicking him ferociously) You think the whole world revolves around you and your money--well it doesn't, Mr. Potter! In the whole vast configuration of things, you're nothing but a scurvy little spider!
(The mob gasps in amazement as Potter pulls himself off the floor and onto his feet)
George Bailey: Why, you're nothing but a fraud! You're not even a cripple!
Mr. Potter: Now wait a second--I can explain this!
George Bailey: Harry! Mary! Hold him for me!
(Harry and Mary comply, each grabbing an arm as George pounds Potter repeatedly in the gut. A final punch to the jaw sends Potter sailing over his desk. George goes to the back of the desk and drags "Potter"--now a stuffed dummy--back around for more punishment).
George Bailey: I'm not through with you, Potter! Harry--Mary--have a piece of this!
Mary Bailey: Yeah, baby--you know it!
(she pounces on "Potter", punching him in the head and body. Harry gets a few kicks in. George does a WWF-style, elbow-drop onto the hapless "Potter". He then picks him up and throws him against a wall. Mary, Harry, and George each grab crowbars and/or 2x4s and proceed to bludgeon "Potter", as Uncle Billy leads the mob in a few bars of "Auld Lang Syne":)
Mob: (singing)
"Should old acquaintence be forgot
And never brought to mind
should old acquaintence be forgot
and days of auld lang syne!"
(Harry, Mary, and George continue to beat "Potter" to a pulp, as the movie fades out, and "The End" card from the movie flashes on the screen.)
It's a Wonderful Life
Courtesy of
IMDB, some trivia about this film.
Films made prior to this one used cornflakes painted white for the falling snow effect. Because the cornflakes were so loud, dialogue had to be dubbed in later.
Frank Capra wanted to record the sound live, so a new snow effect was developed using foamite (a fire-fighting chemical) and soap and water. This mixture was then pumped at high pressure through a wind machine to create the silent, falling snow. 6000 gallons of the new snow were used in the film. The RKO Effects Department received a special award from the Motion Picture Academy for the development of the new film snow.
As Uncle Billy is leaving George's house drunk, it sounds as if he stumbles over some trash cans on the sidewalk. In fact, a crew member dropped some equipment right after Uncle Billy left the screen. Both actors continued with the scene ("I'm all right, I'm all right!") and director
Frank Capra decided to use it in the final cut. He gave the clumsy stagehand a $10 bonus for "improving the sound."
For the scene that required
Donna Reed to throw a rock into the window of the Granville House,
Frank Capra hired a marksman to shoot it out for her on cue. To everyone's amazement,
Donna Reed broke the window with true aim and heft without the assistance of the hired marksman!
Jean Arthur was Capra's first choice for the part of Mary.
Vincent Price was considered for the part of Mr Potter.
The Bailey Park scenes were filmed in La Crescenta, California.
In the original script, Clarence confronts Potter about what he did to George. It was to take place right after Potter yelled, "And Happy New Year to you, in jail!"
Actor and producer
Sheldon Leonard said in an interview that the only reason he agreed to play Nick the bartender in this film was so that he would have money to buy Dodger baseball tickets.
The film has two lines of "secret dialog" - spoken quietly through a door. (They can be heard when amplifying the volume, and are also explicitly depicted in the closed-captioning.) The lines occur at the end of the scene set in Bailey's private office with Bailey and his son George, and Potter and his goon present. After George raves to Potter that "you can't say that about my father", he is ushered out of the room by his father, then George is shown standing outside the office door. At that moment, George overhears the following two lines of dialog through the glass pane of the door behind him: POTTER: What's the answer? BAILEY: Potter, you just humiliated me in front of my son.
The gym floor that opens up to reveal a swimming pool was real and was located at Hollywood High School in Los Angeles.
A Christmas Gory
A
marketing agency has boiled down the classic "A Christmas Story" into a trailer -- for a slasher flick. Watch it
here.
Debbie Downer
It always cracks me up to watch the
SNL cast struggle to get through a skit
Imagine That
For those of us who were three or younger when JFK was assassinated,
John Lennon's murder is the subject of the "where were you when..." question vis-a-vis life-changing events. So:
Rob and I were at the Tyler Mall (now The Galleria at Tyler), presumably Christmas shopping. I was in the Gold Mine video arcade playing Missile Command, and Rob came up to me and told me that John Lennon had been shot. He summed it up succinctly by stating, "that sucks." We got in the car to go home and KLOS was playing "Imagine" - a pretty chilling moment.
Wait a minute, 99. We don't know Comet's last name...
IMDb now lists Paul Kligman as the voice of Comet in "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer." Having just watched it this evening, I can say with near certainty that it was NOT Don Adams.
