Stephen Colbert Rocks
Stephen Colbert apparently upset President Bush with his routine at the
White House Correspondent Dinner.Some highlights:
He attacked those in the press who claim that the shake-up at the White House was merely re-arranging the deck chairs on the Titanic. “This administration is soaring, not sinking,” he said. “If anything, they are re-arranging the deck chairs on the Hindenburg.”
Colbert told Bush he could end the problem of protests by retired generals by refusing to let them retire. He compared Bush to Rocky Balboa in the “Rocky” movies, always getting punched in the face—“and Apollo Creed is everything else in the world.”
Turning to the war, he declared, "I believe that the government that governs best is a government that governs least, and by these standards we have set up a fabulous government in Iraq."
He noted former Ambassador Joseph Wilson in the crowd, just three tables away from Karl Rove, and that he had brought " Valerie Plame." Then, worried that he had named her, he corrected himself, as Bush aides might do, "Uh, I mean... he brought Joseph Wilson's wife." He might have "dodged the bullet," he said, as prosecutor Patrick Fitzgerald wasn't there.
Colbert also made biting cracks about missing WMDs, “photo ops” on aircraft carriers and at hurricane disasters, melting glaciers and Vice President Cheney shooting people in the face. He advised the crowd, "if anybody needs anything at their tables, speak slowly and clearly on into your table numbers and somebody from the N.S.A. will be right over with a cocktail. "
Observing that Bush sticks to his principles, he said, "When the president decides something on Monday, he still believes it on Wednesday - no matter what happened Tuesday."
Also lampooning the press, Colbert complained that he was “surrounded by the liberal media who are destroying this country, except for Fox News. Fox believes in presenting both sides of the story — the president’s side and the vice president’s side." In another slap at the news channel, he said: "I give people the truth, unfiltered by rational argument. I call it the No Fact Zone. Fox News, I own the copyright on that term."
He also reflected on the alleged good old days for the president, when the media was still swallowing the WMD story.
Addressing the reporters, he said, "Let's review the rules. Here's how it works. The president makes decisions, he’s the decider. The press secretary announces those decisions, and you people of the press type those decisions down. Make, announce, type. Put them through a spell check and go home. Get to know your family again. Make love to your wife. Write that novel you got kicking around in your head. You know, the one about the intrepid Washington reporter with the courage to stand up to the administration. You know--fiction."
Interdepartmental transfer
Tony Snow goes from the Fox News Division of the Republican Party to the
White House Division.
Read this blog or we'll shoot this dog
Adrienne and I are going up to the wine country in a couple of weeks to bottle some wine. We get to create our own labels and I thought I would use this classic photo from a National Lampoon magazine and have underneath the picture "Buy this wine or we'll shoot this dog" (Adrienne doesn't approve -- but since we're doing reds and whites, she can do her own label). The question I have is what do I call the wine? "Blackmail"? "Animal Rights Red"? I'm blanking here. Any suggestions would be appreciated.
Go Sharkies
The San Jose Sharks odds of winning the Stanley Cup are 14 -1 as the playoffs start today. One of us threw a few bucks down on the Sharks to win the Stanley Cup when they were sitting 9th in their division and getting 30-1 odds. Go Sharks!
A useful tool
Scott McClellan
announced his resignation today. I hate that guy. We've mentioned Scott a few times in this space. A couple of my favorities:
John, from January of this year:
" A Useful Tool"
On The Daily Show, Jon Stewart showed a clip of a White House press briefing in which Scott McClellan referred to the infamous illegal wiretaps as "a useful tool." Stewart responded with: "coincidentally, 'useful tool' is Bush's pet name for McClellan."
Me, from last year:
"Scott McClellan is a liar"
Just following up on the post below... I'm not sure how Scott McClellan could be any more of a Bush whore.... In response to the reports that "Philip Cooney, chief of staff for the White House Council on Environmental Quality, made changes to descriptions of climate research that had already been approved by government scientists and their supervisors"... McClellan had this to say:
"That's false," spokesman Scott McClellan said. "The reports are based on the best scientific knowledge that we have at this time."
Liar."
I'm sure there are others...
Political odds
According to Sportsbook.com, here are the latest odds for all things political:
1. Will the House Judiciary Committee hold an impeachment inquiry
a. Yes + 400
b. No - 600
2. President Bush - Job Approval Rating on April 30th
a. Over 39% Even
b. under 39% - 140
3. Who will win a House majority in the 2006 Midterm Elections
a. Democrats +160
b. Republicans - 200
4. Republicans win Tom DeLays former district
a. Yes - 140
b. No + 110
5. Who Will win a Senate majority in the 2006 Midterm Elections
a. Democrats + 200
b. Republicans - 260
6. Who will win Pennsylvania Senate seat in the 2006 Midterm Election
a. Rick Santorum + 120
b. Bob Caey Jr. - 150
Only in Texas
The Texas Alcoholic Beverage Commission has suspended its
controversial program of issuing citations to drunk bar patrons because they MIGHT drive after leaving the establishment. My guess is that our president has mixed feelings about this development. On the one hand, trampling people's civil rights and thumbing your nose at the Constititution is standard operating procedure in the Bush administration. On the other hand, he's probably glad they didn't have this program while he was living there.
Today, I consider myself the most hypocritical man on the face of the Earth
Today's L.A. Times has an interesting story on
Steve Garvey, who has racked up about $300k in debt while continuing to be "a man of honor, integrity and quality," according to his
website. While I can totally understand the debt thing, the hypocrisy that this jerk displays is beyond understanding. I'm really tempted to "book Steve Garvey for (my) next event" just to ask him about it.
Note: the title of this post is completely inaccurate because this guy is in total denial. I just thought it was good way to compare Garvey with the subject of the previous post.
Uncle Otto, Schmotto!
Turner Classic Movies celebrated the start of baseball season by showing a bunch of baseball movies, so naturally, I recorded
"The Pride of the Yankees." I never noticed that in the opening scene, when young Lou is trying to get in to the sandlot game by offering up some baseball cards, he refers to Honus Wagner as "Hans Wagner." I'm tempted to submit that one to the goofs section of Imdb.
